acidic sentiment

It is like a nerve, slightly twisted
then applied with pounds of pressure
and an acidic outpouring of sentiment
I stand tall only when I keep walking
the second I’m still I’ll fall to the ground

It’s like a form of humiliation, that gut
wrenching, thought provoking, kind of mind racing
feeling, interlaced with years of attempting
to form functionality with my own strained actions

The way the air looks doesn’t help,
the trees are holding shadows and
the sky is about to let go of
its sorrows, I won’t let myself stay here
much longer

In fear of being transparent
I let many of my words fall through the cracks
filtering out the things that I can’t make into sense
but there has got to be a better way
than suffocating what really is

Each day down can be marked as a success,
or added to the voids of emptiness
I hold onto hope but I can’t see myself
in any other form than helpless and irrevocable

There are things in this life that take my breath away
not the beautiful kind of breathlessness
the gasping and gaping areas of tension
and then there is the subtle sadness
that has seeped its way into countless parts
of my being, joy is lacking
but again I’ll keep on hoping

and the sky has let loose now,
easing its transgressions into renewal
I’m always in awe of its ability to recover
but are there still pockets of rain hidden behind the sun?
will there always be an unstoppable ache,
ready to surface, consuming and without solace?

my bedroom is now lit up with sunlight,
breaking in with warmth and it feels out of place
my soul often sides with the rain
I desire to let the light outweigh the darkness
and I know now my perception is controllable
it’s necessary to claw out the doubt and anxieties
as often as the opportunity presents itself
and above all things let my ache settle into
a sea that I can overlook, with hope
and eventual wholeness

but regret carries the ability to
detain my ability, restricting
the motion of advancement
and the importance of your
existence in my mind has never decreased
with time

for my heart will always see you
will always hold your gaze
will always love and never leave you
will always be awake

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